Thanks for your thoughts and comments. I'm in exactly the same situation. For a while I've realised that I'm not interested in girls, and instead I'm beginning to pay attention to a few guys at my school. Some of them think the same as me, thank God. I've even had a relationship with a couple of them, but not the kind of emotional attachment I'd have liked. They're only interested in sex, and sometimes they have doubts and their consciences trouble them about what we get up to.

Another big worry is that I'm from a family that's quite well known and my father is quite macho, so if I told him I was gay he'd kill me. Then he'd revive me and kill me again.

I'm exactly 14 years old. I'm going through exactly what you say. In front of my friends I have to pretend that I like girls. I have a girlfriend, and we have sex, but when we're doing it I'm thinking about some guy I fancy and it puts me off. I'm sure she's noticed. Apart from which I don't get a great satisfaction out of sex. When I leave her house and go home I end up masturbating thinking about some great guy. I'll even phone him up and invite him over for dinner or to go to he club the next day, just to be near him.

I still don't know what to do to find someone who thinks like me and is the same age. Most of them think like I do but I'm afraid to ask them if they're gay. And if they reacted badly or negatively they'd realise that I was gay, which would start a whole load of problems for me.

But I'd like to thank everyone like you who's here in this club and lends me support. I'm young, I live in Mexico, and there aren't many openly-gay boys. There are very few and I've not been able to find them. And those I've approached aren't really gay, they only want sex. And although they keep my secret, they always leave and I don't see them again. 

If only I could meet some other guy here in Mexico!